there's that fun realization of being at a point in time that you were looking forward to. i wander the streets during an evening, under the canopy of trees that fill the town. birds chirping, people laughing, a faint smell of someone cooking food. i am in my college town during the summer. i remember a year ago, walking these same roads as i visited for college events and apartment hunting, longing for the time when i'd be able to fill my days here.
independence. it's a tasty thing. something i was not willing to part with, which is why going home for the summer didn't even cross my mind. independence with financial support to pay for rent and some food. the stress of making ends meet is lifted, and i am free to explore and work in environments that intrigue me. i am a plant in a greenhouse. i am placed in healthy soil, ample sunlight and water. growing in-order to produce fruit. analogies spawn from things that i surround myself in. what makes life as an experiencer so beautiful, you find more clarification in life through the experiences you go through.
a pattern i've noticed in the past 10 years or so, is how active i am during these first few weeks of summer, that quickly becomes diminished to returned indoor confinement. it is so easy to wander around, explore the woods in late spring when everything is alive, when i am replenishing my outdoor hunger. i grow deficient over the gloomy months of winter. however, it is deficult for me to sustain regular outdoor activity through the summer. whenever i'm out there, i am reminded of why i enjoy it so much. bugs, animals, life in general. it's all beautiful and the present moment is beautiful and i sit thinking of gay little poems in my head. with the dog days, it gets difficult to get myself out there. do i just grow used to it being there, and i forget the beauty it still possesses? is it complacency, it is tiredness of the heat? something to study as i am in this favorable environment, as i work outside all day long through the summer.
